Resolving Roommate Conflicts
By
Jeanne Clark
Residence Hall Director
Quinnipiac College
It
is a Monday evening around 11:00pm, you, the RA, are coming back to your
room after a long day of classes, work, and meetings. You are looking
forward to an hour of relaxation before you begin some English homework.
However, as you are entering your room, Susan comes running down the hall
demanding your immediate attention to discuss roommate issues. Susan is
completely frustrated with the behavior of her 2 roommates. For the next
hour you listen to Susan ramble on about her roommates; their inappropriate
behavior with their significant others; their lack of respect for her
and the overall, lack of cleanliness in the room.
RAs,
does this scenario sound familiar? I am sure you all have dealt with similar
situations in the last few weeks and can relate to the scenario. School
has been in session for 6 to 7 weeks now and everyone's true colors are
being reflected through their words, actions and behavior within their
rooms. As a result, your residents are coming to you expressing concerns
and frustrations with their roommates, what are you to do? As a Hall Director
for 500 first-year students, these last few weeks have been saturated
with roommate conflicts and issues. My RAs have been faced with many roommate
problems pertaining to all types of issues; cleanliness, disrespect, illegal
activities, vandalism, etc. Each conflict has its own issues and concerns,
which makes each situation unique as well as challenging. However, there
are some basic tips and guidelines RAs can utilize when dealing with a
roommate conflict.
- Listen!
When residents approach you about a roommate conflict, listen to their
concerns and issues about the other roommates. Avoid agreeing or commenting
about their concerns or issues with their roommates. Stating your opinion
on the matter indirectly displays that you are supporting their frustrations
and thoughts. You want to remain unbiased when speaking to all parties
involved in the roommate conflict.
- Go
to the Source! You as the RA should encourage the residents to address
and communicate with their roommates about these issues. The roommates
may not be aware of the concerns and frustrations that are being communicated
to you. Emphasize to them the importance of confronting their concerns
to the appropriate roommates in a calm, non-threatening environment.
- Mediation
Time! If the residents have taken the initiative to resolve the
conflict on their own, suggest a room mediation. A room mediation is
a formal meeting with all roommates present, the RA, and perhaps the
Hall Director. Your role within the mediation is to ensure things are
being communicated appropriately between all roommates. Encourage everyone
to sit in a circular fashion either on the floor or on chairs. Begin
the mediation by setting some ground rules for the conversation: no
derogatory comments, no speaking out of turn, address the person's behavior
constructively, and speak honestly. During the mediation, encourage
the residents to compromise with each other and set "room rules" that
must be upheld by all residents of the room. For example, if there was
a problem with roommates borrowing each other belongings, encourage
the roommates to write a list of the items they are willing to share
with each other. The mediation is concluded once all issues have been
discussed and resolved to everyone's satisfaction.
- Room
Contracts! A great resource and tool is a roommate contract, a document
outlining all the rules and expectations that the roommates agree to
uphold within the room. It can be used as a proactive tool that all
roommates complete during the first week of school or it can be utilized
during a mediation as a guideline to discussing issues. Below is a list
of topics and questions to include in a room contract:
-
Beginning: Where are you from? What was it like growing up? Do you
know what your major will be? What do you hope to do with that?
What are some of your interests and talents? Are you are morning
or night person? How do you like to study? Have you ever lived with
someone before? What are ways that we can make sure that we communicate
as roommates?
-
Room Condition: How would you like the room kept? What is the best
way to organize a cleaning schedule? How often should the room be
cleaned?
-
Studying/Sleeping: I like to study between the hours of? What noise
level is acceptable while studying is going on in the room? Can
the TV or radios be on? Are you an early riser or a late person?
Can the lights, TV, or radio be left or turned on while someone
is sleeping?
-
Sharing: If we want to borrow something, do we have to ask first?
Do you want to answer each other's phone? Are there possessions
that no one can touch but the owner? Would you prefer that the windows
are kept open or shut?
-
Visitors/Guests: Is it okay to have guests/visitors in the room?
If yes, then how many at one time? How much notice does everyone
need to give in advance of the arrival of a guest? Can significant
others spend the night? What about having sex in the room? What
times are not good to have guests? How are we going to let each
other know that it is inconvenient to have a guest/visitor? Which
items can my roommates' guests use when I am not present? Will social
gatherings be allowed in the room or suite?
The
above suggestions are tips and hints that I have found very useful when
handling a roommate conflict. However, as stated in the beginning each
situation is unique and will present its own challenges. Effective communication
among the roommates is the key to resolving any type of conflict, particularly
roommate issues.
"When
people communicate, there is no limit to what they can do"
-AT
& T
About
the Author
Jeanne Clark is a second year professional Residence Hall Director at
Quinnipiac University. She received her Bachelor's degree from Fairfield
University and her Masters in College Student Personnel from Canisius
College. She is passionate about helping facilitate the growth and development
of students during their first year of college.
