"When Two Roommates Become Three"

Dealing with the issue of overnight visitation:

It may be distressing to realize that your student will have more freedom living in a residence hall than they would if they lived at home. Unlike at home your student and their roommate will need to establish their own schedule for sleeping, studying, eating meals and recreational activities. Additionally they may need to manage many lifestyle issues with their roommate such as sharing belongings, managing noise, room organization and perhaps sharing a telephone.

One of the most challenging lifestyle issues your student may need to confront is the issue of overnight visitation. Unlike at home where parental rules are in effect, your student and their roommate will take responsibility for who visits and stays overnight in their room. Although your college may have rules and standards of conduct in place, how it is enforced is most often up to your student and their roommate.

Typical University Visitation Policies:

Visitation policies vary a great deal from institution to institution. They are often defined by many underlying factors such as the university mission, geographic location, student body composition and traditions. Visitation policies range from restrictive visitation where specific sign-in policies and visiting hours are in place, to self managed visitation where the individual students manage visitation. As a general standard, the vast majority of colleges/universities require that in order for your student to have an overnight guest that their roommate must be first consulted and approve.

What to do, when problems arise:

When your student believes that as a result of overnight guests they cannot sleep, study or feel safe in their room, it is officially a problem! Often this issue can be difficult to confront. If your student is encountering problems, your should consider the following guidelines prior to confronting the problem.

• Know your campus visitation policy: What is your college/university policy on overnight visitation? How many guests are permitted and how often? You can typically obtain this information from your student's college handbook or in any publications that outline residence hall policies and procedures. Keep this information as a reference if a problem occurs.
• Discuss the issue early: In order to avoid potential problems you should encourage your student to discuss the issue of overnight visitation and guests as soon as is possible. Through this discussion, your student and their roommate may resolve any potential lifestyle conflicts early on.
• Set limits: Encourage your student to establish limits with their roommate. If they are uncomfortable with overnight visitation they should communicate this honestly with their roommate. What hours may guests stay in the room until? What is the maximum number of guests that can stay overnight? Where will guests sleep? Will your student need to share belongings, food, and telephone with guests?
• Encourage flexibility: How can your student and their roommate compromise without taking advantage of each others right to privacy, studying and sleeping?

Closing Thoughts:

When overnight visitation becomes a problem, you can expect a roommate conflict! Always encourage your student to confront their roommate immediately if overnight visitation becomes a problem, not weeks later. Advise your student to confront the issue directly with their roommate before discussing it with other students. By discussing it first with others, your student may undermine their ability to build a trusting roommate relationship. Finally, if your student is still having problems with overnight visitation and guests, encourage your student to speak to a member of the residence life staff, if intervention is needed.